She stood alongside her open window. The soft breeze gently blowing away the last few traces of sadness from her eyes. Her moist cheeks tingled from the cool air. Her mouth held shut. Such a beautiful autumn sunset, painting the sky endlessly with pinks and rich golds. Even a sight like this didn't stop the tears from streaming down her face.
She closed her eyes, forcing out the last few drops. Then brushed them away from her cheeks with her hands. She took a deep breath. That will be the last time, she told herself, tomorrow everything will be different.
She looked out again at the beautiful view. She slowly slipped her hand in her pocket. It was filled with ripped pieces of paper. She grabbed a handful, making sure all were there. She held that arm out the window, the cool breeze tickling her skin, making her hair stand on end.
Taking another deep breath, she opened her hand. The pieces of paper started to fly away, caught by the breeze. There he went. "He was carried away; his words which amazed me, his voice which awakened me, his smile that calmed me...". And there she stood, what a beautiful autumn sunset. She watched till the final glimpse of gold had set and disappeared.
Love me for what I am not. Then leave me with a kiss.
<3
Thursday, December 10, 2009
my mind goes something like this..
Monday is getting nearer;
My thoughts aren't getting any clearer.
I'm getting too caught up in you;
I've got to come up with something to do.
Cos the longer I keep on going with this;
Then the harder it will be for me to resist.
So here I am filling my thoughts,
It's all about Monday's results.
Just to keep you away,
So it'll be safe for me to say;
That there won't be a price to pay.
The price to pay being my heart;
Already cut by something so sharp.
But this ain't nothing like before;
Which left me all sore.
It happened so unexpectedly;
Even though I thought I went by so quietly.
You've got me caught up in you,
And there is something I must do.
Cos what I feel may just be for me,
As nothing is what my eyes can see.
So if it is just for me,
I'm just gonna let it go free.
Let me know. Before I let you go.
Ahhh-choo!
My thoughts aren't getting any clearer.
I'm getting too caught up in you;
I've got to come up with something to do.
Cos the longer I keep on going with this;
Then the harder it will be for me to resist.
So here I am filling my thoughts,
It's all about Monday's results.
Just to keep you away,
So it'll be safe for me to say;
That there won't be a price to pay.
The price to pay being my heart;
Already cut by something so sharp.
But this ain't nothing like before;
Which left me all sore.
It happened so unexpectedly;
Even though I thought I went by so quietly.
You've got me caught up in you,
And there is something I must do.
Cos what I feel may just be for me,
As nothing is what my eyes can see.
So if it is just for me,
I'm just gonna let it go free.
Let me know. Before I let you go.
Ahhh-choo!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Useful for me. Useless for you. - ramble
"Oh hey! Listen to this.." Lilian directed.
"The inability to pronounce the letter R is called Rhotacism. The inability to pronounce the letter S is called having a Lisp."
William laughed.
Don't you just love being the reason someone laughs, you're actually making them happy even if only it were for a short second.
"Fascinating huh?" Lil added.
"I've heard of the lisp, but not the rhotacism one.. but that's a good one!" Will replied.
Let's try another one, Lil thought to herself.
"One day, someone asked how to spell the word orange" Lil started.
"Mmm.." Will responded attentively.
"Then someone replied.. The colour or the fruit?"
Will burst out in laughter.
"Oh my God! I love it! That's hilarious!" Will exclaimed.
Lilian smiled. She was glad he liked it.
She was amazed at how random she could be. How comfortable she was with him.
I love how this guy keeps me smiling, she admitted to herself.
No matter what she said, he always made a remark; never made her feel stupid for what she'd say. He was the type of guy you could be around- and not come close to sharing an awkward moment.
I think I like this guy.
*****
Day in, day out; throughout each day my mind somehow begins to fill with thoughts of you. I've realised I'm caught up in you. With your ways. With the way you make me feel. Its uncontrollable. Sometimes overwhelming. What do I do with this?
I'm fighting with myself. I can't seem to find a compromise. One side is starting to take control. I'm suddenly turning into a pessimist. Not wanting to take a risk. Too afraid to fall back down from an uncertain tower or happiness. I've felt it before. That is how I convince myself to stray away. I make myself remember how much pain I went through. It keeps me alert, aware of what might happen.
But then the optimistic side kicks in. So what if it makes you happy. Happiness or regret I tell myself. It's my choice. I can't sit back and just wait for whatever to happen. That's what life's all about. Through our pain and hardships is when we truly realise what we are capable of.
But here I go again. Fighting with myself. It seems to be easier to put yourself down than to lift yourself up. Pessimist taking over. The war in my head is not in any way close to having a truce being called. I'm sinking down again. It's my way of making sure I don't get my hopes up. My way of making sure I don't have a bubble to burst.
This is where thinking gets me. This is where my "I hate lying in bed doing nothing" experience comes in. I love falling asleep when I'm really tired.. Meaning I have to keep myself busy until then.
Busy meaning doing things other than lying here and thinking. Cos this whole ramble is what happens when I do that. It's not the best of feelings.
But I knew eventually it was gonna make a comeback.
And here it is right now. I knew I was gonna feel this way again. Because no matter what you're put through; Time still keeps on moving forward. Life doesn't happen like a straight line. It has it's bumps, it's maximums and minimums. I've expected this.
So now here I am feeling positive again. Knowing that life can be a bitch and that I am not alone is helping. Life challenges you. Things happen for a reason. And now that I've written all this; I feel as if I've released all the emotions. And now I'm finally tired.
It's funny how this feeling makes me ramble. I haven't done this in ages. You make me want to write.. Because the only way to release these emotions of mine is to write it.
So thank you but no thank you :)
"The inability to pronounce the letter R is called Rhotacism. The inability to pronounce the letter S is called having a Lisp."
William laughed.
Don't you just love being the reason someone laughs, you're actually making them happy even if only it were for a short second.
"Fascinating huh?" Lil added.
"I've heard of the lisp, but not the rhotacism one.. but that's a good one!" Will replied.
Let's try another one, Lil thought to herself.
"One day, someone asked how to spell the word orange" Lil started.
"Mmm.." Will responded attentively.
"Then someone replied.. The colour or the fruit?"
Will burst out in laughter.
"Oh my God! I love it! That's hilarious!" Will exclaimed.
Lilian smiled. She was glad he liked it.
She was amazed at how random she could be. How comfortable she was with him.
I love how this guy keeps me smiling, she admitted to herself.
No matter what she said, he always made a remark; never made her feel stupid for what she'd say. He was the type of guy you could be around- and not come close to sharing an awkward moment.
I think I like this guy.
*****
Day in, day out; throughout each day my mind somehow begins to fill with thoughts of you. I've realised I'm caught up in you. With your ways. With the way you make me feel. Its uncontrollable. Sometimes overwhelming. What do I do with this?
I'm fighting with myself. I can't seem to find a compromise. One side is starting to take control. I'm suddenly turning into a pessimist. Not wanting to take a risk. Too afraid to fall back down from an uncertain tower or happiness. I've felt it before. That is how I convince myself to stray away. I make myself remember how much pain I went through. It keeps me alert, aware of what might happen.
But then the optimistic side kicks in. So what if it makes you happy. Happiness or regret I tell myself. It's my choice. I can't sit back and just wait for whatever to happen. That's what life's all about. Through our pain and hardships is when we truly realise what we are capable of.
But here I go again. Fighting with myself. It seems to be easier to put yourself down than to lift yourself up. Pessimist taking over. The war in my head is not in any way close to having a truce being called. I'm sinking down again. It's my way of making sure I don't get my hopes up. My way of making sure I don't have a bubble to burst.
This is where thinking gets me. This is where my "I hate lying in bed doing nothing" experience comes in. I love falling asleep when I'm really tired.. Meaning I have to keep myself busy until then.
Busy meaning doing things other than lying here and thinking. Cos this whole ramble is what happens when I do that. It's not the best of feelings.
But I knew eventually it was gonna make a comeback.
And here it is right now. I knew I was gonna feel this way again. Because no matter what you're put through; Time still keeps on moving forward. Life doesn't happen like a straight line. It has it's bumps, it's maximums and minimums. I've expected this.
So now here I am feeling positive again. Knowing that life can be a bitch and that I am not alone is helping. Life challenges you. Things happen for a reason. And now that I've written all this; I feel as if I've released all the emotions. And now I'm finally tired.
It's funny how this feeling makes me ramble. I haven't done this in ages. You make me want to write.. Because the only way to release these emotions of mine is to write it.
So thank you but no thank you :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
PONCHO RINO; RIP
My first ever dog. 11 years. The best dog ever.
Passed away 13 November 2009. RIP.
He was a very old dog, blind and had trouble walking around, so im glad that he is now in a much happier place and in a healthier state. <3
Peace&Love
Passed away 13 November 2009. RIP.
He was a very old dog, blind and had trouble walking around, so im glad that he is now in a much happier place and in a healthier state. <3
Peace&Love
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
two-day..
Today means two days till.. November 12, 5.15pm
Two more days till I will write without feeling guilty of not studying.
Two more days till I can access my Facebook account again.
Two more days till the idea of highschool and its exams is finally over (even though i graduated already).
but anyways.. I have a month of catching-up-writing to do
I shall keep you posted..SOON! and I mean it!
Peace&Love
Two more days till I will write without feeling guilty of not studying.
Two more days till I can access my Facebook account again.
Two more days till the idea of highschool and its exams is finally over (even though i graduated already).
but anyways.. I have a month of catching-up-writing to do
I shall keep you posted..SOON! and I mean it!
Peace&Love
Friday, September 25, 2009
long time no type
Wow, it's now Spetember.
On Term 3 holidays. Or in other words, a "2-weeks-of-hard-study" break.
Anddd...I've been so slack and havn't done much. Emphasis on the "much" as I have done some. Emphasis on the "some".
Anyways, quick update.
YFC North/South SOAR camp next Friday-Sunday. YAY, how exciting. Cannot wait to see what it brings. Praise God! :D
Then back to school for 2 long hard weeks of revision, and YAY! I'm graduating on October 22nd :D
But booooo, I'm so scared for exams. Yikes, especially Methods.
OH YEA, AFL Grand Final tomorrow! GO THE SAINTS! :D
Anywhos, someone called this morning while I was still sleeping. They were looking for me. They spoke with my mumsy.
My mum only told me bout it this afternoon..annnddd.. she forgot who called.
All I know is that "Its a boy..and..I don't think he's Filo..because he didn't sound Filo...Just--ine? Jush--tine? Jericho? Jo-jo-ja-je? I dont know I was frustrated this morning I dont remember na" sigh.
And I'm curious cos they called my home phone, and like..who has my home number? Its usually always my mobile that people contact me on.. so hmmmm.. pls call again!
So yea, I'm gonna go paint my nails purple now.
Cheers!
Peace&Love
On Term 3 holidays. Or in other words, a "2-weeks-of-hard-study" break.
Anddd...I've been so slack and havn't done much. Emphasis on the "much" as I have done some. Emphasis on the "some".
Anyways, quick update.
YFC North/South SOAR camp next Friday-Sunday. YAY, how exciting. Cannot wait to see what it brings. Praise God! :D
Then back to school for 2 long hard weeks of revision, and YAY! I'm graduating on October 22nd :D
But booooo, I'm so scared for exams. Yikes, especially Methods.
OH YEA, AFL Grand Final tomorrow! GO THE SAINTS! :D
Anywhos, someone called this morning while I was still sleeping. They were looking for me. They spoke with my mumsy.
My mum only told me bout it this afternoon..annnddd.. she forgot who called.
All I know is that "Its a boy..and..I don't think he's Filo..because he didn't sound Filo...Just--ine? Jush--tine? Jericho? Jo-jo-ja-je? I dont know I was frustrated this morning I dont remember na" sigh.
And I'm curious cos they called my home phone, and like..who has my home number? Its usually always my mobile that people contact me on.. so hmmmm.. pls call again!
So yea, I'm gonna go paint my nails purple now.
Cheers!
Peace&Love
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
unexpected spurting
i knew it!
i told myself, "don't go on there..don't go and read what's up"
but noooo, i had to, thinking that if i read it there might be some interesting stuff there that would possible NOT affect me.
but ohhhh no. i read it and *knife action* right in the middle of my *bah-bum..bah-bum..bah-bum* heart.
STUPID THING TO DO!
why choose today of all days to read up on it.
you haven't in ages..but today had to be the day!
anyways, funny thing is.. i got cut open and my imaginary blood started spurting out (spurting..is that a word?) and i found the only way to lessen the..blood-spillage.. was to write about it.
and its actually working.. typing this out and making it sound all..weird.. is actually helping it go away.
anyways, my point is.. 1.things really do happen unexpectedly..well, for me it has. I though that such a small act wouldnt affect me. but it did. it bugged me for the whole dayyyy
"adding a reactant causes a net forward reaction..POP..damnit! im trying to study"
that was me trying to study and it poped into my head.
2. things happen for a reason.. me reading up on something that bugged the hell out of me was meant to happen. im supposed to learn something from this.. *thinks* yes..it will help me get on with my life. these are the painful steps i will take to rid you from my system. its natural. right?
but yea, *deep breaths* i think im fine now
i was just shocked thats all.
wow, i have a chemistry SAC tomorrow..i should really start studying..
effin shitake mushrooms! all i gotta say is GOOD LUCK, and i temporarily hate you.. but thats my way of "getting over it" cos it doesnt seem to happen when im thinking "nice" things about you.
i think its easier to get over things when you dont even like it.
anyways, this is jumping all over the place.
so ill leave you by saying.. i love you & i hate you. life is unfair, but dont we live in a world thats meant to be fair? sooo.. read this slowly, so you can try make sense of what i think.. maybe we're meant to think and believe that life is unfair so that we are able to accept such..um, terrible-things-that-cause-us-pain sorta stuff. if we lived to believe that life was fair, we wouldnt get far, cos life doesnt run on a straight line, its has its bumps. soooo..i have no idea anymore what im saying so if you kinda understood that..GREAt! at least you did ha
Peace&Love
i told myself, "don't go on there..don't go and read what's up"
but noooo, i had to, thinking that if i read it there might be some interesting stuff there that would possible NOT affect me.
but ohhhh no. i read it and *knife action* right in the middle of my *bah-bum..bah-bum..bah-bum* heart.
STUPID THING TO DO!
why choose today of all days to read up on it.
you haven't in ages..but today had to be the day!
anyways, funny thing is.. i got cut open and my imaginary blood started spurting out (spurting..is that a word?) and i found the only way to lessen the..blood-spillage.. was to write about it.
and its actually working.. typing this out and making it sound all..weird.. is actually helping it go away.
anyways, my point is.. 1.things really do happen unexpectedly..well, for me it has. I though that such a small act wouldnt affect me. but it did. it bugged me for the whole dayyyy
"adding a reactant causes a net forward reaction..POP..damnit! im trying to study"
that was me trying to study and it poped into my head.
2. things happen for a reason.. me reading up on something that bugged the hell out of me was meant to happen. im supposed to learn something from this.. *thinks* yes..it will help me get on with my life. these are the painful steps i will take to rid you from my system. its natural. right?
but yea, *deep breaths* i think im fine now
i was just shocked thats all.
wow, i have a chemistry SAC tomorrow..i should really start studying..
effin shitake mushrooms! all i gotta say is GOOD LUCK, and i temporarily hate you.. but thats my way of "getting over it" cos it doesnt seem to happen when im thinking "nice" things about you.
i think its easier to get over things when you dont even like it.
anyways, this is jumping all over the place.
so ill leave you by saying.. i love you & i hate you. life is unfair, but dont we live in a world thats meant to be fair? sooo.. read this slowly, so you can try make sense of what i think.. maybe we're meant to think and believe that life is unfair so that we are able to accept such..um, terrible-things-that-cause-us-pain sorta stuff. if we lived to believe that life was fair, we wouldnt get far, cos life doesnt run on a straight line, its has its bumps. soooo..i have no idea anymore what im saying so if you kinda understood that..GREAt! at least you did ha
Peace&Love
Monday, July 13, 2009
Simply..
So howdy do!
Making this short and simple. There have been moments when I've wanted to write but there has been no such motivation, or, as people say, "inspiration". Yea, I used to write during those deep, "emo" moments.. and who really wants to feel that way.
So I guess there's that relation. I want to write, but that fear of feeling those emotions are hindering that. So all I can say is that eventually, I'll be able to write again.. No one has to read it, but when I feel I'm ready to face those "challenges"..I'll rant like no tomorrow. Only a few people have heard me rant..and that's when, I think, you truly get to know how I..run..lol.
But chyeaa, I really want to use writing as a release.. And that's something I'm working on. And I'm happy to say that I'm so closeeeee!
After all, we have this life to live.. Don't waste it. Find what makes you happy and chase after it.. really, if its meant to be and "part of your plan in life" it'll happen.
You're given the opportunity, it's pretty much your decision on what to do about it.
I'm not a huge believer in luck (although I'm a hypocrite and SOMETIMES..sometimes, I'll use that as an excuse), but I really think that things happen for a reason. That you learn from you're mistakes and regrets..can you even call them mistakes? They're opportuinties to learn and become a much better person. After all, its the people and experiences that makes you who you are.
So much for short and simple.. lol
So chyeaa, be back soon, I'm certain.
Peace&Love
Listening to: If Only They Knew - A Rocket to the Moon
Making this short and simple. There have been moments when I've wanted to write but there has been no such motivation, or, as people say, "inspiration". Yea, I used to write during those deep, "emo" moments.. and who really wants to feel that way.
So I guess there's that relation. I want to write, but that fear of feeling those emotions are hindering that. So all I can say is that eventually, I'll be able to write again.. No one has to read it, but when I feel I'm ready to face those "challenges"..I'll rant like no tomorrow. Only a few people have heard me rant..and that's when, I think, you truly get to know how I..run..lol.
But chyeaa, I really want to use writing as a release.. And that's something I'm working on. And I'm happy to say that I'm so closeeeee!
After all, we have this life to live.. Don't waste it. Find what makes you happy and chase after it.. really, if its meant to be and "part of your plan in life" it'll happen.
You're given the opportunity, it's pretty much your decision on what to do about it.
I'm not a huge believer in luck (although I'm a hypocrite and SOMETIMES..sometimes, I'll use that as an excuse), but I really think that things happen for a reason. That you learn from you're mistakes and regrets..can you even call them mistakes? They're opportuinties to learn and become a much better person. After all, its the people and experiences that makes you who you are.
So much for short and simple.. lol
So chyeaa, be back soon, I'm certain.
Peace&Love
Listening to: If Only They Knew - A Rocket to the Moon
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
first & nothing special
There are times when I feel like writing, unfortunately, this isn't one of those times. Not in the mood, and plus, not much time to think..or..I just don't want to think..yea, I think that's the major reason. So I'm just going to post a video link of a song i really love at the moment.
The Climb remake by David Sides feat. Ahmir
Enjoy (:
Peace&Love
The Climb remake by David Sides feat. Ahmir
Enjoy (:
Peace&Love
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