i like this..

via http://rockselle.tumblr.com/post/1191768668/youve-been-my-sunshine-when-all-my-clouds-were-grey

You’ve been my sunshine when all my clouds were grey.

I’m sorry for the times i acted like you weren’t there. I’m sorry for the hurt. I’m sorry for the the pain I’ve caused. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

Its the situation love has to go through at times. Someone that you know was always there but never noticed it until you heard the hurt and fear they felt all that time. Its hard to let go, Not sure why. Is there something there ? or maybe you’re the friend I will never let go of. Time should tell me. Its been too long. Its been way too long for me to leave you like this. It hurts to be in this situation.

A brother told me, God wouldn’t put us in something we cannot go through.

The hurt, The pain. I never meant to put you through this. I’m sorry.

my biffle.

For my bestfriend.

We go perfect together just like a substate and an active site. We'll go through every reaction together and come out of it still intact, still together, ready for other reactions that come our way and need us. One cannot function without the other, and together things work quicker than usual. Remember that substrates have their specific active sites and vice-versa. They do not freely match with just any binding site. Together we form an enzyme, and without enzymes life cannot function the way it should. I love my binding site, and pretty much without it; I'm useless.

:)

right now.

Reaching for the extraordinary in this ordinary-driven life.

to be continued..

c'est la vie.

Each day shows me that life will keep on moving, no matter how much you wish it didn't.
I won't let myself fall behind.
I will live this life. Love this life. Enjoy this life. Be thankful for this life, and for the lives of those around me.
I believe that things happen for a reason.
If I dont receive what I want, I know that God has something better in place for me. I believe that God has a better plan for me than what I have for myself.
I have realised that I need to move forward.
If you're facing the past, you're turning your back on the future.
I will face the future, but will keep in mind what I've learnt from my past. Will keep with me the memories; the laughs. Will remember the tears, but will smile about them.
I will miss some aspects of the past, but I will not dwell upon them. Afterall, if those things didnt last, they were most likely not meant to, they were probably only there to show me something about myself, to show me that there are better things.

This is for you: It hurts me a little how much things have changed, but I am starting to learn more about myself and what I need. You're relying on my patience, on me waiting, but I need to move forward, rather than wait for something in the past to come back. There will be better things, for me and for you. You appear to be taking steps forward, and I need to aswell. I just hope you realise that I will not be waiting forever, because things change, we both know that. So the best way to fix it is, 1. to either give it heaps of time and just wait for it to hopefully fall into place, or, 2. do something about it.

A reason to think..

Just a thought;

Everything happens for a reason.
There's always a reason why someones upset, why someones sad, why someones angry, why someone smiles, why someones happy.

You even say so too, "there's gotta be a reason why you're laughing.." do you accept and believe when that person replies "no reason" ?

There's reasons why people study, why people travel, why people communicate, why people like mangoes.

There's reasons why people smell,, why people taste, why people feel.. So that, in itself, just shows that there's a reason for life.. If there's a reason why people fart.. Well heck.. There's definitely gotta be a reason why someone exists on this earth. So there, what have you got to say to that huh! :)

Peace&Love

PS. My bad if "farts" wasn't the best example hehe

motion.

I've found myself only doing what I'm meant to be doing.. And at the same time, I'm not really doing a great job at it. I know I could be putting in more effort.. But I just ain't feeling it.

A theory could be that it's because there's just so much that needs to be done.. And everytime you take a step, another thing pops up. I'm just like "blerh! I can't be bothered".

Shame on me!

I know that I have to do more, I want to do more.

And I guess at this stage, I have to gather up my motivation.. And just do it.

I have to gather up my emotions again.. Because at this point.. I just don't feel anything. Even at school, I just go to lectures and pracs.. Do what I have to do.. And that's it. I've found I haven't even made much of an effort to communicate with others.

And I know now, that it has to change.

I will change it. I know how it felt before.. And I miss it. It will be better this time :D
Hopefully.

Okay, maybe after mid-semester exams and tests. Because I have to focus on them.

But yes, I will start to live life more again. I havnt heard that in a while.. "live your life a little".

"Yes, it's easy to find people who exist.. but it's rare to find those who are actually living"

let's get this happening!

Peace&Love

merci beaucoup jsakcas.

I can't believe you told me that you don't know if you're coming back anymore.

I guess before, I just didn't want to hear it, but now that I'm thinking about it.. You said it.

Did you even realise you said it?

Thanks.

wake up call.

If i've done something wrong then I will be willing to apologise and take the blame for it.

But sometimes you take the blame too early, you already say sorry.. But then you realise it actually isn't entirely your fault.

What if the other person is too blind to see that it could of been their fault.
Since you've already apologised, will the other person realised that they played a part in the arguement?

What if the other person is too into thinking about how it affected them, and they're just way in over their head about their own actions.

Do you bring it up again, when you've both discussed to get over it?
Because I don't think I can get over it because I want you to realise what went wrong, so next time.. It won't happen.. There will not be a next time.

They say little arguements are healthy in relationships; it shows that you both care about each other enough to help each other through such things. To fix things to help build the relationship and make it stronger.
From these things comes realisations.

Sometimes everyone just needs their own little wake up call. Either you hear it from others, or you come to realise it yourself.

I do admit that I may have over reacted. Obviously when your in such a close relationship you are more prone to be affected by the other persons thoughts and actions. And I'm sorry if I may had triggered the arguement.

But please, put you're pride down a little, look at both sides of the story, and understand that it's hard for me too, and not just for you.

I want to understand you, I want to help you. But I guess this is something you really have got to do on your own.

I understand. I really do. I understand that this is not who you really are, because I got to know you way before this. I am willing to wait.. I will wait. I'll let you figure it out, I'll let you do your thing.. I'll do my thing.

But I'm not going anywhere.

with every second; another moment wasted.

THIS TRULY IS JUST RAMBLE. Nothing fancy about it, just expression of emotion.

Uni has started.
The days are fine, my mind is preoccupied by what has to be done. Making sure I find the right room, making sure i'm on time, making sure conversations are flowing (but of course, thats naturally happening, but still needs you to think about what you're saying).
My mind is busy. But for some reason, during some split seconds, i find myself thinking, maybe i'll see you today. At the same time, i tell myself to shut up, get back and focus on what im doing.

I've come to realise that im always searching, but for what? i should really stop. Why should i search for something that does not what to be found?
Why should i put effort in if nothing is getting through? Its not that i'm giving up, this is me finding excuses as to why i should stop feeling that way i do. I know its not the best thing to do - to pretend one thing while you feel another - but it feels like the best thing to do. Because i feel so vulnerable.

I feel that im so easily distracted now, and distracted by thoughts of you. I cant. I must not be. Im probably just wasting my time on it. There's other things that i could be doing instead of thinking about such things. but who can control these things?

But yes, when im in the environment where i have to do stuff, i can easily control what i think about.. but its the time when in alone, the time when my mind is relaxed, thats annoying me.
i truly dislike this feeling. ive felt it before. its reminding me of the time when i lost someone, someone so close to me, and they never came back. i had that little hope in me that they would. but they havnt, and nor do i think they will.

Im short of reassurance. At this point, i just feel like i dont have them. I guess its because im so used to knowing whats up, whats going on, and now, i hardly know anything. Time passes by and with every second; another moment wasted.
I was told that i wasnt gonna feel alone. But i do.
I cant truly speak about this with anyone, because im restricted.
I could mention apart of it, but i feel that they wont understand either way, but theres no harm in trying.

I feel that eventually i will try.Right now I feel that i need to find other people. Because giving it all to just one person, means that one person carries so much of you, and if something like this happens, that part of you feels like its gone, and you have to wait for it to come back. Thats if it will. Is it possible to care and not care at the same time. My minds assuming too much for its own good.

When you have a bestfriend, they pretty much know alot.. like, alot. You spend alot of your time with them.
What do you do when you've grown to someone, like, alot, and then they decide to disappear for a while. How are you supposed to feel, when that last time someone so close to you left, they never came back? What are you supposed to do when you feel like you care way more about them then they do you? What do you do when you feel like you could lose someone? Can you still control what happens next, when it truly takes two to tango? One sided effort doesnt really get you anywhere.

and its not that theres not much effort on their behalf, because i know they put effort in, its just at this time how would i truly know? theres no communication. i understand where they're coming from.. but would a friend do that to you? not just any friend, a best friend. Would a bestfriend leave you to sort out their problems? Because i feel like im being a bad bestfriend by not helping them out. or is me being fair distant the help that they want?
Me, being their bestfriend, understands whats happening.. but i guess this is just me being all low, and frustrated. Me thinking the worst.

I dont know where im going with this.

I just hope and pray that it returns to normal soon, because i dont know how long i can take it, i dont want to reach the point where i know nothing anymore and im way in over my head as to whats really happening. I dont want to reach the point where we have to start all over again because ive felt like we've already lost what we built.
I dont want it to reach the point where we both feel bad for letting this happen for too long.

I want this to happen and end with a good thing.

help me find myself..

Today I heard the song you wrote for her, and you sound so happy.
I must admit that I was expecting to feel something, like somehow it would affect me.
And it did, but it wasnt sadness. I was smiling. I was happy that you were happy.
It felt like I was just listening to another cheesy song.
It's through this that I've realised.
I've come to accept that things were not meant to be between us.
That I'm thankful for what happened, because now I've seen that I'm capable of moving on.
I've been feeling this way for a long while now, I just was not sure.
I felt afraid to listen to that song, because I didn't want to feel down.
But I knew today, that it was going to be different.
Through the help of certain things, the smallest little strings that kept me attached to you are now gone.
I believe that I am no long affected by you.
All I do now is just smile about it.
Because it was beautiful while it lasted.
And it ended, but something more beautiful came from it.
I told myself there was a reason all this happened.
And that eventually I was going to find out that reason.
I've found it, and I'm cherishing it.

Thank you.. you were my inspiration for writing this. You helped me :)

I JUST WANT YOU - AJ RAFAEL
"There's something I gotta say to you
but I'm so afraid of what you'll do
I'll just admit this to you now
That I'm stuck on glue on you some how
Don't want to feel so cold inside
I want to feel the warmth that I feel with you all the time
Surrounding me just like the wind
cause you're the one who makes me see
Help me find myself, like how I found you
I need you so we can live happily too
I just want you
I want to go out with you tonight
A picnic with candle light
I might just hold you tight
Tell me you want to be my queen
If not it's ok a princess seems just my type I promise I'll be there tonight
I want to keep you warm when winters white
And make the summer walks on the beach sound nice
I need you now to talk with on the phone for hours at a time
Baby I just want you to be mine all mine..."